In my many years of living, Ive come to realize that plans are meant to fail. Or that's how it seems. Time is meant to be wasted and love is meant to be lost.
I know your thinking, wow this sure sounds a lot like a country song.. But honestly.. Life has been good. Looking back on what Ive come from and the good times and experiences Ive had. They've made me a better person. But what hurts is the disappointment, the broken promises, the people that have been stolen from me and the pain attached to that. There are a lot of regrets in my life, but they are far lesser than those good things in my life.
Most of my regrets are attached to those things that I miss. Those future memories (which is a paradox by the way) and those past. I look forward to that time, when im comfortable in the fact that things are right and where they're supposed to be. Now dont get me wrong, I know that life is never going to be perfect. However it is all in perspective. When I imagine my future, I see things specifiacally. But at times, your visions contradict those of the people around you. Everyone reading (if anyone ) knows what Im talking about. Everyone at one point in time, imagines there future. They picture their kids, their house, their career, even that person you are going to marry. What's sad is, that over time.. Those dreams change.. Your desires are forced to change and conform to this rollercoaster we call life..
Im a strong believer in faith, in fact I believe that 95% of our Christian religion, is wrapped up in faith. How else would we take directions from an omni-present spirit we call God. How else would we obey a very real God, that we can not see? By faith. And as a christian, we're all forced to operate is some form of faith.. Ive chosen to make choices and direct my life in a way I feel, gets me the most God for my time hear on Earth. But, as I said earlier, dreams, desires, and promises are forced to confrom to life. Every living person has dreams, but if you really sit down and think about how many of you are dreaming the same dreams you were when you were 6, 10, 12, 16, 30? I know for me, one of my life choices was to love one woman and marry one woman. But due to a life sometimes mislead, I broke promises to myself and even others caught in my life's wake.. Im a goal oriented person, as I believe all males should be, and sometimes.. People change your mind for you.. And as much as I would like to hold on to those promises I've made, I can't. Somewhere down the road Im going to have to tell my wife, that I fell in love with another woman, and I gave my heart away. And somewhere in that dreadful converstation, Im going to have to expllain to her, that she is in someway better than my past love. Im going to have to tell her about my dreams and what I wanted for her.. But due to choices and mistakes, she won't be taking a part in any of those.
It's somewhat disheartening to know that my dreams are so fragile. That the things I want for my life are going to change tomorrow. That what I invest so much time, faith and prayer in, is something that is subject to change. And at times not by my own choice but by others. I didn't want to love this girl, I fell in love with. I didn't want to lie to myself and dream a dream, inpossible. I didn't want those things for my life. But, those choices made by other people, have gotten my dreams caught in their life's wake. And have shaken and even broken my faith and trust.
If you look at it from this perspective, it's somewhat like, building a house for someone, and amidst the happiness and celebration.. Taking a wrecking ball.. And trashing there hopes, for change, life, and seeming salvation. And all theyre left eith is the rubble, and are somehow expected to build a life worth living, out of nothing but debris. It's cruel.
With all of that.. I warn anyone reading and interested. To take into consideration those your effecting when you make choices and promises. Don't be selfish with yourself. You're choices are dream changers and crashers. When you make promises, mean it. When you love someone, keep it. When you want something take it. Faith is the key. We choose to see things, how theyre seen.
